Many people, especially women have never learnt how to accept praise or compliments, or can’t accept one because they don’t believe the person is being honest. This is more so true for people with low self-esteem which most people usually have who are going through or have been through an unhealthy relation.
Some reasons we tell ourselves (whether consciously or not) for not accepting praise or compliments are:
- What we do/did is nothing special.
- They don’t really know me.
- They are really just mocking me.
- You don’t want to appear vain or proud.
- I’m not pretty, they just need glasses.
- I’m not talented; it’s just the way I do things.
- I don’t deserve it.
Often people explain away or dismiss a compliment inadvertently offending the person who complimented them, by saying things like:
- You are too kind.
- This cheap / old / second-hand / home-made thing.
- Look to the ground or hang your head and say thanks in an unappreciative way.
- Oh! That was nothing.
- It’s just part of my job.
- Oh, it’s no big deal.
- Oh! I’m just lucky.
- I just did what I had to do.
Some people don’t accept praise or compliments because they feel is shows pride as opposed to humility. True humility is not putting yourself down or thinking less of your talents, looks, abilities, generosity, etc., but thinking more about other’s needs, talents, abilities, etc., than yourself. To not accept a compliment is self-abasement not humility.
An assertive response is an acknowledgement that you are worth the compliment and know your self-worth. When you accept a compliment, you show that you trust that person’s opinion, wisdom, and judgment and that you appreciate what they have to say. Try to focus on the compliment rather than on its content.
There are many ways you can accept a compliment without deflecting or rejecting it:
- Simply but sincerely say something like -
- “Thank you.”
- “Thank you so much.”
- “Thanks.”
- “Thank you, I appreciate the compliment.”
- “Thank you, that’s very kind of you.”
- "Thanks, that makes me feel really good."
- "Thanks, that means a lot to me."
- "Thanks, you're a kind person."
- Smile and enjoy the moment – it won’t last long.
- Share the credit if in regards to a team effort – “Thank you. We all put a lot of effort into it.”
- If accepting an award at the same time receive the award in the left hand so you are ready to shake hands with your right.
- Return a compliment later, making sure it is sincere.
Thank you for reading my blog. Until next time – remember, safety first!