What these people don’t realise is that every time they are saying “Yes” when they don’t want to, they are really still saying “No.” This may seem a little confusing, so let me explain. When we say “Yes” when we don’t want to we are saying “No” to ourselves. We are saying to ourselves that we are of less worth, importance, have more time to give, and that our feels mean less than the other person.
It really comes down to self-respect. Self-respect is not being mean, unkind, rude or deliberately hurting someone else’s feels. It means that you weigh up whether or not you are capable of doing what is asked of you without over-extending or harming yourself. You may have to take into consideration time, energy, money, etc. To do this, especially when first starting, takes time. However, the person is standing there waiting for an answer.
What you can do is pause for a moment and breathe. This relaxes you and helps you think. Then stall in giving a direct “Yes” or “No” answer. There are many thing you can say instead and here are just a few:
Can I get back to you with an answer in (definite time – hour, day, week – depending on the request); I will need to check my diary and get back to you; Can I get back to you on that, I need to check a few things first. Whatever you say, make it true and sincere. In other words if you don’t have a diary don’t say you will check it!
Now it is time to work out what you really want to do and why. Check to see if you have any previous arrangements for that time or around that time. Then you need to ask yourself if you will be able to do this or attend without pushing yourself beyond what you are capable of? Do you have the money required (keeping in mind parties usually means a gift is required)? Lastly, ask yourself if you really want to do or go to this? If you really want to go you can usually shuffle things around so that you can answer yes to your friend. Then decided what you will say.
Saying “Yes” is usually a piece of cake, but saying “No” can be stressful and hard. So here is a tip for saying “No” in a nice way. This tip can also be used for delivering bad news. It is called the “Sandwich” approach. This approach calls for you to think of three things to say – 2 must be positive, and only 1 can be negative. You start with something positive, then the negative, and end with another positive. For example:
Question –
Would you like to come to my birthday party next Saturday at 9 pm?
Answer –
1. Thank you for inviting me to your party it sounds great.
2. However, I am sorry but I can’t make it.
3. I hope that you have a great time.
Question –
Would you like to join our basketball team we play every Thursday night?
Answer -
1. Playing basketball sounds like a great way to get exercise.
2. But, that is when I do my shopping.
3. Let me know if you ever change the night as it sounds like fun.
From these two examples I am sure that you can work out something similar for your situation. Make sure that you answer is honest because lies are often found out and cause more trouble than they are worth. Good luck in saying “No” in a nice way. Until next time – remember, safety first!