Mourning can be significantly increased in length and severity when we know that we could or should have done something for a loved one, but we had a legitimate reason or made some excuse not to. At the time even the excuse we use is usually quite reasonable – we are busy at home and work; we need to take time out for ourselves before we burn out; we just don’t have that extra time to go and visit, phone, or write to someone; we will try and do it tomorrow. As someone once told me - Tomorrow never comes. Because when tomorrow it here it is today, and the next day become tomorrow. J
However, when a loved one dies and we look at what we could and should have done as opposed to what we did, we can sometimes feel that we have short sheeted our loved one and then try to punish ourselves. We do this with the way we mourn.
So the next time you think of someone you should phone, write to or go see – why not try and make that time so that you won’t regret not doing it when they are no longer alive. Our time on this earth is short and we need to manage our time properly, and giving due consideration to our loved ones is never a waste of time.
Also when we do make the time for a loved one, it becomes very special because we are making memories – memories that will flood back and fill our hearts with warmth and love after the loved one has passed away. Yes, these memories may bring a tears to our eyes but they are not filled with remorse and guilt, but with love and thankfulness that we were able to make these wonderful memories with that special person.
Just recently, a family member of mine passed away. They went so quickly at the end that many did not get time to say good bye. I had one regret that pained me deeply – this was the first time in many years that I had forgotten to send that person a birthday card! Something so simple, that would have brought joy to that person, but because some major things were happening in my own life I forgot.
It comforted me to know that this person and told others that I never forgotten to send birthday or Christmas cards, or call them by a special name. My oversight had either been overlooked or had been forgiven. When I heard this the weight was lifted and my burden of grief lightened.
What will you do today for someone you love to help lighten your burden of brief when they are no longer with us on this earth?
Until next time – remember, safety first!