There are as many reasons why someone who has suffered depression feels like this. However, I believe the main underlying reason usually is that they remember what it felt like to be depressed, how long it took them to recover from it, and how easy it is to slip back down into that deep dark hole. All they have to do is see that deep dark hole again, even from the very top, and they again feel – not just remember but feel – what it is like down the bottom where they are so far down that there is no longer a spot of light to know which direction is up or how to get out again.
That feeling of being in this deep, dark hole can be so consuming that you feel totally alone, that nobody ever has or ever will love you, that nobody ever has or ever will know what it is like, that nobody ever has or ever will go through what you are going through, therefore nobody really understands or can help you. In staring down this deep dark hole these old familiar feelings start to sweep over you.
For those people who have never suffered from depression it seems crazy, time wasting, pointless and counterproductive for those who have suffered it to worry themselves to the point that they feel a dark, foreboding misery which can so easily turn into depression, when they are only sad or cry over something. They may tell them that they are being unreasonable, to just snap out of it, things aren’t nearly that bad, or similar which will only reinforce the sufferer’s thinking about lack of love, understanding, and inability to help them.
So what can these people do or can be done for them? Apart from seeking professional help, there are two main things that can be done by or for these sufferers. These two things can be done in various ways and in any order.
Firstly, the suffer needs love – someone saying that they love them and need them in their lives, but more importantly they need a hug – a warm, caring, sympathetic. If the sufferer lives on their own this is not easy, but if they have support people this is the time to call them in. The person can also wrap their own arms around themselves and give themselves a hug. This may sound crazy but it is amazing how much this can help.
Secondly, they need to do some grounding techniques. There are many different grounding techniques which can be easily found on the internet, but here are some that I have used with success. Sit in a comfortable chair. Ask yourself or have someone else ask these questions and answer them out loud – What is your name? What town/city/country am I in? What day is it? What time is it? Where am I (home, work, business, etc.)? Is this a safe place? - then take a deep breath and let it out and say – “I am OK!” Do this several times until you notice your breathing slows down and you are relaxed.
To start with it is usually best to ask all these questions every time to achieve the best result. Over a long period of time – for some people months, others years - if practised frequently and consistently, you might be able to reduce these questions slowly until you just taking a deep breath and saying “I am OK!” and gain the same benefit.
I am in Australia.
It is Monday.
I am at home.
I am in a safe place.
I AM OK!!
Until next time – remember, safety first!